4 Tips for Making the Transition Easier for Children in an Illinois Divorce

 Posted on January 19, 2021 in Divorce

The period immediately following your divorce can be among the most challenging times of your and your family members’ lives. If you are a newly divorced person who shares children with your former spouse, you and your kids may be entering into uncharted waters over the next few months. Both you and your children are likely to be experiencing a sense of grief, though this emotion arises differently for different people. There is no “one size fits all” approach to overcoming your post-divorce emotions, but how you handle the transition period can help your kids move forward into your new future as a family more resilient than before.

Build a Unified Gameplan

As previously mentioned, there are no cookie cutter means by which to make this transition feel natural. You and your co-parent should, however, have a clear understanding of how you will proceed in terms of caring for your kids and maintaining a civil, if not amicable, relationship. You should have a specific plan of action before notifying your children that divorce is your next step as a family. Who will live where? How often will they stay with their other parent? Where is their other parent moving to? You should have answers to all of these questions so that you are prepared to present your kids with a unified front moving forward. This will reassure them that despite your impending divorce, both of their parents will continue to be actively involved in their lives.

Create Two Homes

For most families, the kids will remain living in their family home with their custodial parent, while their other parent moves to a new location nearby. It is important to make both locations feel like home and to avoid having your child take an overnight bag every time they stay at their new home. Be sure that your kids have their own bedroom space, not just a pullout couch in the office, if possible. They should also have their own toothbrushes, clothes, toys, etc. to make their secondary living location more like a home and less like a guest room.

Avoid Ongoing Conflict

Many couples have a contentious relationship immediately following their divorce, as the wounds of their ending relationship are still fresh. It may be too challenging to continue seeing and communicating with each other in the first few months; however, you should take active steps to avoid conflict in front of your kids. This may mean restricting your communication to text or email and not chatting while dropping the children off. You should mitigate this conflict in any way possible, including not talking badly about your former spouse in front of your kids or asking them for updates about their lives. Keeping this conflict to a minimum can help your children better adjust to your divorce and allow you to begin to move on from your past relationship.

Stay Consistent

Whether your children are toddlers or teenagers, keeping a consistent schedule will help make the transition period smoother. Kids thrive off of structure—it makes them feel more in control and keeps them busy. Be sure to create a strict parenting time schedule so that they know when they will be seeing their other parent, and so that these visits begin to feel more natural in their lives. You should also remain consistent with schoolwork, extracurricular activities, and time spent with their friends. Depending on their age, your kids may lean on their friends for support during this time, and it is important to give them the opportunity to do so.

Contact a Hillside, IL Divorce Lawyer

Many believe that the decision to file for divorce is the most difficult, when in fact, the months of transition following this decision are often more challenging. Our reputable and compassionate Oak Park divorce attorney understands the emotional difficulties that come with divorce, which is why he puts much effort into the legal details to allow you to focus on your family’s healing. Mr. Machroli has over 33 years of experience practicing in divorce law and he is prepared to take on your case. Call our office today at 708-449-7404 to schedule your free consultation. 

Source: 

https://www.verywellfamily.com/make-custody-transitions-easier-on-your-kids-4123658