7 Tips for Talking to Your Children About Divorce

 Posted on July 18, 2023 in Divorce

Divorce can be a difficult and emotional process for both parents and children. When parents decide to separate, it is crucial to have open and honest conversations with children to help them understand and cope with the changes that are about to occur in their lives. Here are some helpful tips for discussing your divorce with your children:

1. Plan Ahead

Before talking to your children about divorce, take some time to plan what you will say and how you will approach the conversation. Choose a calm and quiet setting where everyone can feel comfortable and avoid distractions. If possible, it is often best if you and your spouse speak to your children together and present a united front in which you can explain why your divorce is the best solution for your family.

2. Be Honest and Age-Appropriate

When explaining the situation to your children, be honest about the reasons for the divorce, but discuss matters in an age-appropriate manner. Tailor your explanations based on your children’s understanding of family relationships and their emotional maturity. Avoid blaming each other or burdening your children with adult details that they do not need to know about.

3. Assure Them of Your Love

It is important to reassure your children that the divorce is not their fault and that both parents still love them unconditionally. Emphasize that the decision to get a divorce is based on your relationship with your spouse rather than anything they have said or done. You will also want to make sure your children understand that even if you and your spouse will no longer be together, this will not affect the love and support that your children will continue to receive from both parents.

4. Encourage Open Dialogue

Let your children know that they can ask questions and express their feelings openly. Create a safe space for them to share their thoughts, fears, and concerns. Listen attentively without judgment and validate their emotions. Provide age-appropriate explanations and comfort them with realistic reassurances.

5. Maintain a Routine

Try to maintain a sense of stability and routine as you make changes to your lives during and after your divorce. Children thrive on predictability, so keeping their daily routines as consistent as possible can help them feel secure in a time of uncertainty. If possible, you and your spouse can work together to create rules and expectations that will be followed in both households.

6. Avoid Conflict in Front of the Children

While it is natural to have disagreements during the divorce process, it is essential to keep conflicts away from your children. Avoid arguing or discussing sensitive matters in front of them. Maintain a cordial and respectful relationship with your ex-spouse, especially in their presence. You will also want to avoid doing anything that may make your children feel like they have to pick sides in the divorce, including asking them to send messages to your spouse or discuss your spouse’s home life and activities.

7. Seek Professional Help if Needed

If you notice significant changes in your children's behavior, or if they are struggling to cope with the divorce, consider seeking professional help. Therapists or counselors who work with children of divorce can provide valuable support and guidance. You may also want to consider seeing a therapist yourself, which will help you work through your emotions and develop strategies for talking with your children and maintaining a positive environment in your home.

Contact Our Hillside Divorce Lawyer

Remember, every child and family is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to talking to children about divorce. These tips can serve as a starting point for navigating this challenging conversation, but it is important to be flexible and adapt your approach based on your children's individual needs and responses.

If you are going through a divorce and need legal guidance or advice, do not hesitate to reach out to a highly-experienced Oak Park divorce attorney at Law Office of Vincent C. Machroli, P.C.. We can provide you with the assistance you need during this challenging time. Contact us today at 708-449-7404 for a free consultation.

Sources:

https://www.todaysparent.com/family/kids-and-divorce-an-age-by-age-guide/

https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/emotional-wellness/Building-Resilience/Pages/How-to-Talk-to-Your-Children-about-Divorce.aspx

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/better-divorce/202002/how-tell-your-kids-you-re-getting-separation-or-divorce